Head Around You
by Sara Holmes
Summary: HP/DM. Harry's not entirely sure how he ends up kissing Draco Malfoy... Warning for bad language.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own them. I'm merely borrowing them and will put them back mostly in one piece when I'm done.

**Warnings**: Slash, bad language and lots of kissing.

**Authors note**: I was having fun playing around with a different perspective whilst my next WIP takes off and ended up with this thing. Was going to leave it in computery oblivion but then thought I'd share it with you all. Why the fuck not.

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**Head Around You**

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Harry isn't sure how he ends up kissing Draco Malfoy.

One minute they're trying to talk - the talk Harry has been anticipating and dreading since the end of the war. He knows they'll have to talk because they saved each others lives and that's not just something they can let go and ignore. Since they've come back to Hogwarts to finish their exams, they keep catching each other looking, just waiting for one of them to snap and come and try to start the conversation they both know will be a monumental fuck up no matter how they go about it.

It's Draco who starts it - finally - in the otherwise empty eighth years common room late at night, as November sleet pounds against the windows and the wind roars, rattling the glass in the panes.

They manage two sentences before it all goes to shit.

Draco keeps telling him he's _just not listening_, and Harry is insisting he bloody well is, and Draco is frustrated as he tries to apologise and Harry is angry because _why wont you just say it_, and then Draco kisses him.

It's so quick Harry isn't sure it actually just happened. One minute he's asking Draco why this is so bloody important to him, and if it is he should stop fucking about and _just say sorry_- and he catches the desperate look in Draco's eyes just before he lurches forwards and presses his lips to Harry's.

His lips are closed and it's awkward and clumsy with noses bumping and Harry's glasses getting knocked- but its lips to lips and that makes it a _kiss_, and he pulls back before Harry's brain can catch up with what has just happened.

Draco looks petrified as Harry gapes at him and raises his hand to touch his lips- Draco flinches as the hand comes up as if he expects Harry to punch him for his trouble.

"You-" Harry manages to stammer, words muffled by his fingers.

"No, I didn't, _no_-" Draco babbles, taking a step away from Harry.

"You did! You just-" Harry's voice rises and Draco gets - if possible - even paler as Harry steps forwards after him.

"I didn't meant to-"

"_You didn't mean to?_ What the fuck, Malfoy!" Harry shouts over the noise of the storm outside, the whistling of the wind at the window.

"I'm sorry!" Draco says - _finally_ - and steps back again, his hands coming up to grip his hair, looking miserable and panicked. "I just-"

"Just bloody what?" demands Harry, his shock giving way to anger and disbelief. "You just kissed me-"

"I didn't-"

Harry reaches forwards and grabs Draco by his shirt, the material in his fists, pulling the blonde roughly to him. Draco makes a noise of protest and lets go of his hair to grab Harry's wrists, trying to pull him off, feet stumbling on the floor. "You _did_," Harry snarls and is so close to shaking the bastard, shaking him until he just fucking _makes sense-_

"Get off," Draco pleads, trying his best to sound remotely assertive, but Harry ignores him.

"What are you playing at? You're a bastard for seven years and now you're kissing me?" he demands, his knuckles white as he grips Draco's shirt tightly.

"Just let me go- I won't tell anyone, I won't do it again, I swear-" Draco gibbers, looking away and trying to find a way out of Harry's grip.

"You owe me an explanation-" Harry says harshly.

"Oh, another one-" Draco says with a fleeting hint of bravery and sarcasm and Harry gives him a rough shake, making him stumble again.

"_What is going on?_"

Draco doesn't answer and Harry wants to punch him in his stupid pointy face - he's a coward still, too afraid to do or say _anything_.

"Tell me," Harry says dangerously.

"No," Draco whispers, and he's miserable all over again and looks like he's about to fucking cry - and it's that look that makes Harry pause and rethink his punching Malfoy in the face plan. He's seen Malfoy cry before and he didn't like it, not one bit. Didn't like the confusing mix of feelings it evoked; anger, guilt, helplessness. Not knowing what to do, not knowing how to feel because suddenly Malfoy wasn't just an evil bastard Slytherin, he was a _person_-

"Malfoy," Harry shakes him again - not as hard as before, mind - so he sways and their arms bump together.

"Let me go," Draco repeats, his fingers trying to prise Harry's off of his shirt and failing miserably. "Please, I won't tell anyone-"

Harry doesn't say anything; he's unsure now. Before he was indignant and angry and wanting to know what the bloody hell Malfoy was playing at, but now he knows this isn't going to be as clear cut as he thought.

Something is going on here, he knows it.

"Please," Draco repeats desperately, trying to step back and failing. "I won't mention it ever again if you don't want-"

"Malfoy-" Harry says and his gentle tone startles them both. Uncertain grey eyes flick up to his. "Why did you just kiss me?"

"I don't know," is the whispered reply. "I just- I always-"

Draco shakes his head violently, cutting himself off, and shuts his eyes for a long moment, breathing heavily out of his nose.

"Always what?" Harry asks urgently. He's not sure what he's waiting or wanting to hear - to be honest he doesn't dare think about what the answer is going to be if he gets one. He has a vague instinctive feeling, a sense of what is happening but he doesn't dare examine it, doesn't dare believe it.

"Don't," Draco says, desperate. "I already owe you my life, Potter, don't take what little dignity I have left too-"

"Tell me," Harry won't give it up, he wants to know, needs to know.

Draco shuts his eyes and shakes his head again. Harry is suddenly aware of how very close together they are, and how this is the longest they've been alone together without throwing punches.

He can feel Draco breathing shakily, can feel the slight tremble of his limbs. He can see every slight imperfection on his pale skin, and every pale eyelash.

He's so close, and so scared and vulnerable and so desperately seeking something from Harry that he's reduced to stammering and pleading. He's petrified because he's just planted a kiss on the lips of his former nemesis and from the way he's acting, it's not just something casual.

"Malfoy?" Harry breathes and Draco doesn't move. "Do you…how long have you wanted to do that?"

Draco's chin trembles and he swallows; Harry watches his adams-apple move.

"Forever."

Harry suddenly understands, all the pieces falling together in his brain in quick succession. It's just like when he worked out the riddle of the Hallows; it all slips into pace effortlessly and he just _knows_ he's right.

"You like me," he says. His voice catches and sounds strange to his own ears.

"Well done," Draco replies, his voice hoarse. "Finally worked it out, well done, round of applause, another point to Potter-"

Years later Harry will tell people that he does it to make Draco shut up and stop babbling, but in truth he doesn't know why he does it. He's never thought about kissing boys before, never been aware that he wants to. But Draco isn't just some boy - he's something else entirely and always has been.

He doesn't think. He just moves slowly forwards and nudges Draco's nose with his: Draco stops ranting and his breath hitches, his pale fingers clenching on Harry's which are still fisted in his shirt.

Both their eyes are shut; Harry can feel the whisper of Draco's breath across his lips. He nods his head slowly and his nose rubs against Draco's, slipping past so their lips are so, so close-

Their hands are clasped together, pressed between their chests and they're so close, and Harry draws on his last reserves of Gryffindor courage and moves the last fraction of an inch to press their lips together.

It's no better than the last botched kiss, really. Draco gasps and jerks back a fraction and Harry follows him; their noses bump together again, and Draco holds his neck tense, his lips away from Harry's as Harry leans forwards slightly, breathing heavily and his eyes still shut.

He doesn't move- he waits. He's made his move, even though he's still not bloody sure _why_ he's just kissed Draco sodding Malfoy-

Gradually, Draco relaxes by degrees. He untenses and jerkily moves his face closer and closer and then after a lifetime of waiting, hesitantly kisses Harry again. This time his lips part and he catches Harry's lower lip between his own, breathing through his nose.

They don't pull away from each other; Harry's lips move gently against Draco's, and they're dry and chapped but it doesn't matter because it finally makes sense - why have they spent all that time fighting when this is the alternative?

Harry realises he hasn't breathed in quite a while and sharply draws in air, his lips still touching Draco's. He's barely had time to let it out again before Draco moves his lips again, more insistently than before. Harry tilts his head and so does Draco; after a moment their mouths open against each other and then there's the hesitant touch of tongue against tongue.

Draco makes a noise low in his throat as their mouths close together again, lips tangled, before repeating the whole enthralling process again. Harry's heart is hammering; how has he never done this before?

Floodgates open in his mind and he's suddenly so aware of the boy he's kissing; memories and feelings and thoughts all rushing together but instead of making him push Draco away he holds him tighter. He lets go of his shirt and runs his hands over Draco's chest, coming to rest on either side of his neck.

He wonders what life would have been like if he'd kissed the prat years ago.

He's Draco Malfoy. He's a git, and he's fucked up and by all rights Harry should never ever want to see him again for what he did, but he knows he won't be able to do that. Yes, he's been an enemy, but the simple fact of the matter is that for whatever he's been, he's been _Harry's. _And now they're not enemies anymore, Harry doesn't think he can let him go. There's always been something between them, some bond, and Harry doesn't want that to end. The thought of Draco being anyone else's in _any_ capacity makes a surge of jealous anger flare through him and he pulls him closer so they're pressed together, hip to hip and chest to chest.

It's not like kissing Ginny, or anyone else. It's strangely familiar and electrifying in a way he wasn't expecting. Suddenly the fact he's kissing another boy doesn't matter anymore because there's something shamelessly right about what they're doing - something _brilliant_.

Draco's hands find their way onto Harry's waist and grip tightly, his touch strong and decisive even through his fear. It's something Harry finds he likes, and adds it to his mental list that is entitled _why kissing Draco Malfoy is actually a pretty good thing._

The kissing eventually slows and then stops and Harry instantly misses the feeling of his tongue twining with Draco's, misses the gentle pressure of teeth on his lip, misses the taste of Draco in his mouth. But no matter what he wants right now, this kissing business can't go on forever without a few things being said first.

Their lips are still touching, the barest of pressures against each other. So are their bodies, both trembling slightly but loathe to move apart.

More than anything Harry just wants to kiss him again, but knows he can't. If this were anyone else who he'd not spent nearly half his life hating he would have done, no questions asked.

But this isn't just anyone else, and Harry feels this is somehow too important not to do _right_.

"I've hated you for so long-" Harry eventually whispers against Draco's lips and feels Draco tense under his hands, pulling back away from him. Harry shakes his head, holding firm. He swallows thickly. "I don't want to anymore."

"Why?"

"Because you finally make sense-" Harry breathes. "This, it all just makes sense-"

"Kissing me makes sense?" Draco repeats and he sounds dazed, confused, like he has no idea what Harry is talking about.

Harry laughs thickly, a laugh that's close to tears. "I know it's insane, but me and you-"

He pauses and feels Draco's hand tighten on his waist, waiting for the answer, waiting for the rest of the sentence.

"Was it really going to end any other way?" he asks softly and it's Draco's turn to shake with a not-quite-laugh.

"But you-" he struggles with words, always has and tonight is no different. "You're straight, you don't like-"

"I don't know what this is," Harry interrupts softly. "But I want to find out."

Silence falls and it's just the two of then, still holding each other tightly, warm and safe against the howling storm outside. Fingertips are tracing idle patterns on his hip and Harry shivers with the sensation.

"I won't be able to make it up to you, I know I won't." Draco suddenly says, tone careful and guarded. "But I'll try."

Harry isn't sure he completely understands and he's not altogether sure of how he feels about that statement, but he knows Draco's intentions are good even when he's talking in riddles and tripping over his words.

For the first time in maybe forever, Harry believes him. Believes in his good intentions and his desire to put things right. He smoothes Draco's hair back from his forehead with both hands and kisses the tip of Draco's nose, and half smiles at the look of surprise that crosses the pale features. It quickly gives way to tentative hope and Harry likes that expression, so he kisses it again.

Unfortunately it doesn't last half as long as Harry would have liked. As he pulls back, Draco is frowning again. "Is this some…are you going to-"

"What?"

"Be mean somehow," he says, words rushed and tumbling, suddenly defensive and scared all over again. "Use this to make fun of me, or have everyone-"

"Malfoy?" Harry interrupts and Draco stops, waiting and looking expectant and still defensive. Exasperated and amused, Harry nearly rolls his eyes. "Shut up."

Draco's eyebrows shoot up and his mouth falls open a little, looking like he can't decide if to be indignant, amused or upset by that statement.

"Have you not been listening?" Harry continues.

"Yes, but-" Draco stops and swallows thickly. "Nothing ever goes right. Why would it start now?"

"Because we've been through a war and learned a lot," Harry tells him. "We're not sixteen anymore."

"But-"

"For Gods sake Malfoy, stop being so impossible or I'm going to change my mind and believe me, I think life will be a lot better for both of us if we carry on the kissing thing," Harry says, a bite of impatience in his tone.

Draco huffs. "You're a twat."

"So are you."

Draco looks up and suddenly there's the ghost of a smile. He bites his lip. "Will you let me?" Harry looks at him questioningly and he continues, a faint blush gracing his cheekbones. "Try. To make it up to you."

"You know, I think I will," Harry says gently. "But understand, you don't do this because I'm…you know, the _Chosen One_, or anything-"

Draco looks baffled. "No, you're _Harry_."

That inane sentence and confused expression is enough to let Harry know he's made the right choice and he tilts Draco's chin up again with his fingers to kiss him again.

It's insane, nothing short of. But like he said to Draco, it makes sense if you look at it the right way.

And really, who else is going to understand Harry? They're the same really even if they are so different. Two boys used as pawns in the war of their fathers, forced a hand by circumstance.

But at the end of the day, Harry thinks, all of that doesn't matter for now. It can wait. Because for now, the most important thing is that Draco Malfoy is a bloody fantastic kisser, and for the first time in weeks Harry is feeling really good about something.

Yes. Feeling good is definitely a valid reason at this exact moment in time, and he smiles as Draco pulls him close and opens his mouth under Harry's.

He's still not entirely sure how he's ended up kissing Draco Malfoy, but to be honest, he doesn't really mind at all.


End file.
